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Pope
September 20th, 2008, 05:10 AM
Being a film student I'm pumping out scripts like crazy. I seem to be making a new one ever other week. Nothing is too professional yet, but I just want some criticisms from other people I guess. The format doesn't also seem to go perfect in notepad copy paste, but it's pretty damn good. I'm also not really the writer type, but hell it's one of my classes so lets see. Check back here for updates.


"Condom"ents


By
C***** J*****

September 13, 2008

"Commercial Assignment"

FADE IN:


INT. TABLE 1 - DAY

A sausage and a hot dog bun sit on the desk appearing motionless.
The table is clear except for ketchup and mustard bottles in
the background.

SAUSAGE
So...

HOT DOG BUN
Soooo?

SAUSAGE
How bout we get down to it?

HOT DOG BUN
I..I..I don't know if I'm ready for
this.

SAUSAGE
Come on baby don't be shy. I love
you sooo much.

HOT DOG BUN
O..O..Okay fine.

SAUSAGE
Don't worry babe, I got this covered.


Ketchup and mustard are placed along the sausage.
INT. TABLE 2 - DAY

New angle to show the ketchup and mustard bottle alone.
Words overlay next to the two bottles.

NARRATOR
Remember kids, always practice safe
eating(pause) Use condoments.
FADE OUT:

musicman888
September 20th, 2008, 10:15 AM
Pope....that was awesomely hilarious!!!!!! :D

Nice job.

Nothing I can really say to improve on unless you have a longer conversation between Hot Dog Bun and Sausage before they "get it on" lolz. :D

FRain
September 27th, 2008, 05:55 PM
lmao, that's great.

ultama121
September 27th, 2008, 06:03 PM
:lol:

Boba
September 27th, 2008, 07:04 PM
That's awesome. :-3

Needles
September 27th, 2008, 07:24 PM
Lol.

Good job on it. ;)

thehoodedsmack
September 27th, 2008, 08:49 PM
Good god. I want to film this now.

Higuy
September 28th, 2008, 12:30 AM
i lol'd. Ive seen something like this before were a hotdog and a hamburger and debating on which one is 'sexyer' then the other. hehe +reps

Rob Oplawar
September 28th, 2008, 02:10 AM
I was hoping for some PHP scripts... :(

e: reads...
*slaps forehead* PUN.
I snorted. Ok, i chuckled a bit to.

Pope
September 28th, 2008, 02:40 AM
UPDATE: My script was one of the 5 out of 33 to be selected and will be filmed as one of my first projects. As soon as the final copy is done, it shall be released and hopefully not butchered. (I'm not directing)

Thanks for the support guys.

ICEE
September 28th, 2008, 11:52 PM
clevar.

Pope
October 21st, 2008, 01:42 AM
Two Sides of the Same Coin

By

C***** J*****

October 7, 2008

"3 minute project"



An average, rough looking man, ROBERT, sits at an table with his hands binded with handcuffs on top of the table. He's a little broken and bruised and a single bright light clearly illuminates him. SHADOW is across the table from him, nearly invisible due to the lighting.


SHADOW
You ready?


Robert places his hands out on top of the desk


ROBERT
Unbind me first?


The Shadow moves forward only revealing his hands. They hold a key which unlocks the cuffs. He then hesitates. After a few seconds of pondering he un-cuffs him.


ROBERT(CON'T)
Thanks, those were really restricting me. Well I guess that's the point isn't it. (nervous chuckle)


Shot of Shadow not even acknowledge his comment.


ROBERT(CON'T)
Not much of a chuckler eh? Well, I guess someone who's been beating me for hours ain't one of the funny types.


SHADOW
Tell me about your job.


ROBERT
You already know everything about me!


SHADOW
Humour me.


ROBERT
I went to a trades school and decided to pursue my dream of being a mechanic.


The Shadow lets out a brief snort.


ROBERT(CON'T)
Something funny?


SHADOW
Yeah, your pathetic attempt to become a mechanic. You just fooled yourself. You had the brains to be a physicist or a doctor, but you blew it. You blew it bad.


ROBERT
How the hell would you even know what's going on in my head? It wasn't even my fault, doc diagnosed me with schizophrenia or something like that and I lost my job because of it.


SHADOW
Well that wasn't in the file. Tell me about the girl, Jessica.


ROBERT
(Shouting)

SHUT THE HELL UP!


SHADOW
Why should I Robert? You did a little more than make her shut up.


ROBERT
NO I DIDN'T! YOU MADE ME!


Robert nearly breaks out into tears and becomes more hysterical.


ROBERT(CON'T)
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!


SHADOW
(Shouting)
TELL ME THE TRUTH ROBERT! I DESERVE TO KNOW!


ROBERT
YOU DON'T DESERVE SHIT!


The Shadow suddenly starts grabbing something from below the table. He finally pulls it out and his hand with gun comes into the light and onto Robert's forehead.


SHADOW
(Calm now)
Now tell me Robert. Confess your sins.


ROBERT
Why should I te-


SHADOW
Because I have the gun and it's pointed at your head.


Robert sits silently contemplating the situation.


ROBERT
I killed her. I did it. She had the report. Everything was in there, the banks, the government officials, the audio tapes. Everything.


SHADOW
Well that's a little better now isn't it Robert?


ROBERT
Shut up.


SHADOW
I can't do that Robert. Do you want to know why?


The Shadow moves into the light revealing that he is actually Robert himself.


SHADOW (con't)

Because we're just one and the same. I am you.
Robert seems finally seems to get it


SHADOW
Don't be so surprised, we're just two sides of the same coin.


Cut to black. Gunshot echoes through blackness.


FADE OUT


__________________________________________________ ________

PS. Condoments turned out amazing and was probably one of the best at the screening for all the first years. I don't know if I'm allowed to post it due to it being legally the school's so we shall see.

This script is 3 minutes on paper even though it doesn't look like it fits. Trust me. If you guys want any clarification just post your questions.

Comments and criticisms greatly appreciated. (Unless you're a dick about it:lol:)

musicman888
October 21st, 2008, 03:55 PM
One Word: "Wow"

That is a well put together piece of script and would be very interesting to see form into a video of some sort.

That is deep and .... "wow" is all I have to say to that Pope. Good job!

Zeph
October 21st, 2008, 04:15 PM
UPDATE: My script was one of the 5 out of 33 to be selected and will be filmed as one of my first projects. As soon as the final copy is done, it shall be released and hopefully not butchered. (I'm not directing)

Thanks for the support guys.

As a writer, your work will always get butchered. Your script is short, so it probably wont get changed much.

Learn to become a screen writer and your scripts will rarely change.

Zeph
October 21st, 2008, 04:25 PM
__________________________________________________ _______

PS. Condoments turned out amazing and was probably one of the best at the screening for all the first years. I don't know if I'm allowed to post it due to it being legally the school's so we shall see.



Your creative voice was in it. You should be able to show it off as portfolio material unless it's licensed for retail.