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View Full Version : The hilarious log of an American expat living in Dubai



Mr Buckshot
April 3rd, 2008, 06:45 PM
If you haven't heard, Dubai is a major economic center in the United Arab Emirates in the Middle East. It is possibly the richest city/emirate in the whole Middle East region after Saudi Arabia, but most of its wealth comes from foreign investment and tourism, not oil. Major development projects like the Burj Dubai, the Palm Islands, and the World archipelago are the star of the show in Dubai. My dad went there once on a business trip, and said it totally beat the hell out of his frequent business trips to Shanghai, Singapore, and Hong Kong. I want to go too.

Sounds like paradise, right? But this one expatriate says otherwise.


April 30th:
Just got transferred to work and live in
beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!! Now this is a city that knows how to
live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It’s like New York
City minus all the crocks, murderers, and drunks. What a place! I
watched the sunset from a deck chair on my beautiful bedroom verandah.
It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.
May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not
a problem. Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned
car, and everything is fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the
sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.
May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants
today around our lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to
maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love
it here. Heat is no problem at all.
June 10th:
The temperature hasn’t been below 95 all week
even during the night. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At
least today it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is
taking longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns
over 90% of my body. Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in
this lovely city. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun
in a climate like this.
July 20th:
Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left
for the office. By the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up
the $60,000 Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells
like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in
this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fucking
hair dryer in here!!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner
died. The fucking AC repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over
and tell me it was broken in fucking Hindu English or some language that
I couldn’t understand.
July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping
outside by the pool for 3 nights now because it is 7000 fucking degrees
inside. Bloody 2,000,000 Dirhams house and we can’t even go inside. Why
did I ever come here? Fuck the sun. Fuck the wind. Fuck the freakin’
ocean. And fucking locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths
followed by little black female ninjas. Fucking crazy town.
August 4th:
It’s 114 fucking degrees today. Finally got the
ol’ air-conditioner fixed. It cost 2,000 fucking Dirhams and got the
temperature down to 25, but the fucking humidity makes the house feel 30
fucking Dubai degrees. Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid
fucking place.
August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, ‘Hot enough for
you today?’ I’m going to fucking whack him all the way back to his
goddamn desert. Fucking Dubai; by the time I get to work with all that
fucking traffic and heat, the car’s radiator is boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like a baked cat!!!
August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is
fucking Friday. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my
Audi. The seat was so fucking hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fucking
ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and a baked cat.
August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fucking
recording. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny.
Hot, humid and fucking sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2
damn months and the weatherman dude wearing the fucking white tablecloth
on TV says it might really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this
damn fucking place? What is next, a fucking hell freezing over wave?
August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 120 today.
Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my fucking Audi. The fucking Audi
serviceman said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ Fuck him and fuck Audi. My
wife had to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for
assaulting that stupid fucking Indian bastard wiseass. Fuck Dubai ! What
kind of a sick demented fucking idiot would want to live in this shit
hole?
August 15th:
Fuck this place. I’m off back to New York.


Source: http://www.chillnite.com/hillarious-experience-of-an-american-expat-in-dubai

Gotta respect the ol' sun in a climate like that. As my dad said, packing jackets other than business suitcoats is very stupid if you're going to a place like Dubai. And if you're bringing kids, make sure you rent a car with good air conditioning.

Apoc4lypse
April 3rd, 2008, 06:56 PM
Lol, is this actually real, when I read the cat part I was like, how do you make that mistake. :confused2:

Amit
April 3rd, 2008, 07:07 PM
What a stupid fuck. He stereotypes all of the people that live in the UAE as "fucking Indian bastards." I'm Indian so I take this offensively since most people that live in Dubai are not Hindu or Indian. Now you can have different types of religions coming from India; Hindu, Islam, Bhuddist. I believe that most people who live in Dubai are locals and do not come from India.

DrunkenSamus
April 3rd, 2008, 07:22 PM
LMAO. Terrorist repairman...that just screams "STEREOTYPE".

PenGuin1362
April 3rd, 2008, 07:44 PM
Um...NO FUCKING SHIT. You're living in the fucking desert you dip shit. You expected it to be 75 all week? God what a moron. But I lol'd at the cat part. I would love to stay in Dubai for a little while. I can't handle that kind of heat for a life time >_> but just to visit would be awesome.

Mr Buckshot
April 3rd, 2008, 10:28 PM
Yeah, Singapore is nothing compared to Dubai in terms of heat. I LOL'ed at the expat's stereotypes. Dubai stands out as living proof that not all people of Arab ethnicity are evil terrorists or evil people who sympathize with terrorists. Most Middle Eastern people are good, civilized people who want to be financially successful like everyone else. It's all a matter of how extreme they are about being Muslim or any kind of religion. The UAE is one of the richest places in the world. If the GDP per capita stats used the median instead of the average as a measure of central tendency, then the UAE might be 1st in the world - people there drip with money.

I don't think I can actually live in Dubai either...I would be baked so hard I wouldn't look like a Chinese anymore. But a trip for just a week or so would be heavenly, especially if it were on Emirates Airlines.

The cat part was my favorite scene, yes. It figures, if you park your car outdoors in Dubai without lowering any windows, any living object in there is doomed. According to my dad, it was so hot that he wore a T-shirt and shorts to drive to his conference there, then changed into his suit only right before entering the air-conditioned building to avoid having to go outdoors in the suit. Fortunately, the Mercedes he rented had completely white leather seats to spare his ass.

This expat has no respect for foreign culture. "White tableclothes and black ninjas." It's Islamic culture and there's nothing wrong with it - this hijab thing actually shields the skin from the scorching sun.

Pooky
April 3rd, 2008, 10:41 PM
Guess it was hot enough for him.