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Thread: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

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  1. #1
    Gar TVTyrant's Avatar
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    I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Hello, Modacity. It’s time that I admit I am Jewish. I have kept this secret for a long time, but I must come clean. I cannot keep lying to you, because that means I am lying to myself. I must also admit that I am of the Jewish faith so that I can tell you about my Hanukkah. It may have been the worst eight days of my life.

    Day One: Day one seemed to go normally, except when I called my girlfriend Jessica, she did not answer. Confused, I asked my brother Jack if he knew anything that might be happening with her. He did not clearly answer me, just shrugged and mumbled some shit.

    Day Two: When Jessica came over, she seemed to be ignoring me a lot. I kept trying to talk to her, but she acted like I did not even exist. "Come on, Jessica," I pleaded. "What's wrong?" She whipped around and glared at me. "God, Jeremy! Why won't you give me any space!" That hurt more than any physical pain I could imagine.

    Day Three: I could really tell something was amiss, so I asked everyone I knew about it. At first they did not respond, but eventually my mother tearfully admitted something to me. “It’s your brother,” she said. “He’s been sleeping with Jessica.” I shook my head, in the warm comfort of my denial. "No way," I claimed. "Jack would never do something like that." "It's true," said my mother. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Jeremy." I went to my room without a word.

    Day Four: I had to absorb this knowledge overnight before I could confront Jack. On day 4 I finally did. "Why did you sleep with Jessica!?" I demanded. "Who told you!?" "Mom did." Jack sighed. "Oh, man, I begged her not to tell anyone else." I ignored his pathetic excuse. "How could you, Jack? You're my brother!" As he opened his mouth, I got so pissed off at his fucking face and that huge, stereotypical Jewish nose, that I slammed my fist straight into it. Jack fell backwards screaming, then kicked my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. We came to blows, beating at each other until my dad managed to separate us.

    Day Five: Jack and I still refused to speak to each other. Jessica called me twice, but I ignored that cheating whore!

    Day Six: This day remains imprinted in my memory. I sat down and talked with Jessica. "Why would you do this to me?" I asked. "I don't know, Jeremy. I-I love him!" I could not handle this. It was as if my arm had a mind of its own. It snapped up and slapped my hand across her face. Jessica looked at me in shock, then ran away. I actually cried that night.

    Day Seven: I remained in my room for most of the seventh day of Hanukkah, not speaking to anyone, contemplating what to do.

    Day Eight: On the eighth day, I finally figured out how to solve the problem. After waking up, I laid in bed until everybody else was up. I stood and grabbed the switchblade from my dresser. Placing it in my pocket, I went downstairs. There I saw Jack next to the Hanukkah candles. "Hey," I said quietly. Finally, I really spoke to him. "Jack, we shouldn't keep this grudge up over Hanukkah. Come on. We need to make our peace." Jack nodded soberly. I looked over at the candle. "Come on. Let's light the candle, Jack." We lifted the match to the eighth candle, and just as the flame lit, I pulled out my switchblade and stabbed hi-
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  2. #2
    Local Pokémon Professor thehoodedsmack's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Copy-paste, or original? Not terrible. Would have made a good bit a few years ago.
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    Gar TVTyrant's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Quote Originally Posted by thehoodedsmack View Post
    Copy-paste, or original? Not terrible. Would have made a good bit a few years ago.
    Sadly a pathetic copy-paste. Saw it posted on my favorite football forum and couldn't resist spreading it around a little.
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  4. #4
    n-no homo b-bro t3h m00kz's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    what's sad is I actually get the joke.

    I wonder who else will

    BLLRUGHFFFUHGHF
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    Kid in the Hall Kornman00's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    So you're part of the group that celebrates slicing and dicing the dicks of infants?

    yes I know this is about candle jack but I couldn't resist the troll

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    Gar TVTyrant's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Quote Originally Posted by Kornman00 View Post
    So you're part of the group that celebrates slicing and dicing the dicks of infants?

    yes I know this is about candle jack but I couldn't resist the troll
    Well I am actually circumcised, and I would probably have my son circumcised...

    So yes.
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  7. #7
    Kid in the Hall Kornman00's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Quote Originally Posted by TVTyrant View Post
    Well I am actually circumcised, and I would probably have my son circumcised...

    So yes.
    Your poor son and his poor future GFs

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    Bukkake Tsunami n00b1n8R's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Oh, a circumcision thread? Cool.

    ITT: retards attempt to defend the despicable act of genital mutilation inflicted on them by their retarded parents.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roostervier View Post
    selentic ill admit i didnt actually watch the video because a majority of your posts are pointless, ad hominem, or ultra-liberal sensationalist bullshit
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  9. #9
    Gar TVTyrant's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    Quote Originally Posted by n00b1n8R View Post
    Oh, a circumcision thread? Cool.

    ITT: retards attempt to defend the despicable act of genital mutilation inflicted on them by their retarded parents.
    Thanks n00b. Your immediate writing off of someone based on their family's traditions and culture shows how intelligent and sophisticated you are, rather than that you were bullied in school so you act belligerently towards people you know nothing about on the internet so you can feel better about yourself.

    I thought us gingers were supposed to stick together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kornman00 View Post
    Propaganda! Lol probably not, that was actually an interesting read. It would probably be my spouse's decision anyways, so it's really not something I am too interested in. I was more posting to keep the humor up.
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  10. #10
    GLORY TO ARSTOTZKA rossmum's Avatar
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    Re: I'm Jewish and I'm Prou-

    this thread

    ps i know that the post is super old but holy shit noob, please tell me more about your highly emotionalised opinion of something based entirely off of what i would assume is hearsay
    sometimes bad posters say stupid things and i put them in here
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