Girlfriend

[§partan 8]

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[ThePlague]

Okay first off, bi = win

But on a seriously serious note:
The thing is she cheated on you. Yeah, she's your first love, and yeah it was just a kiss, but that's cheating. Like you said, she has it in her track record. I know it might seem bad, but 8 months isn't that bad of a relationship to end. (my friend was in one for 3 years, and she cheated on him, twice) You say you love her, but you said she doesn't want to make the relationship to work anymore. If you love her, you might have to just let go.

But if you really want this to work, give her the damn space she asks for! Just don't even talk to her for the rest of the time up until your meeting. Then at the meeting, bring something nice for her. Women/girls need their space, especially when they are asking for it. To them, asking for space gives them time to think about if they want to be with you. It's kind of like a test to see if you really want to be with them. By doing what they say, you would be passing that test.

[§partan 8]

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[Phopojijo]

I know i need to give her time and space its jsut so hard for me to do that.That might be a part of the problem.

[§partan 8]

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[Donut]

to be perfectly honest with you, if this girl has a history of cheating on people, talks to other guys when youre lying with her, is bisexual, and she allows herself to become drunk and cheat on you with another woman she is attracted to, there is something wrong in her head. i know this is your first relationship, and you dont want to let go, but my advice is get away from her. as far as i can tell from what youve said, she is seriously unstable. this is your first relationship, and as youve said, youre really hurting from her cheating on you. if i were you, i would get out of that relationship before you get hurt more.

i dont know what its like to have somebody cheat on you, but i really do respect your problem here. im 17, and like you iv only been in one relationship. it lasted a little more than 6 months. the whole breakup thing wasnt too emotional, but it has left me incredibly cynical and distrustful of women. i know it sounds horrible, but whenever a girl even tries to talk to me i automatically assume shes out to get me, even though thats ridiculous. the only reason i even bring it up is because i want you to know what personal bias my advice is coming from, so you can judge for yourself how to take it.

[n00b1n8R]

tl;dr?

[§partan 8]

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[ThePlague]

It means too long; didn't read. He's just being obnoxious.

Just try your hardest to not talk to her, and at your meeting if she wants to break it off, don't take it upon yourself and don't blame yourself. It'll be her mistake, and she'll be the one at fault. Not you.

[n00b1n8R]

It means too long; didn't read. He's just being obnoxious.
I was being serious actually. If that _wall_of_text_ was summarised, I'd be much more inclined to help. As it stands, the story just looks like a mess and it's not a pleasant experience to try and read.

[DEElekgolo]

Lady problems eh?
Read this. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Vilar#The_Manipulated_Man_.281971.29)

[ICEE]

It doesn't sound like this girl's worth working on. I know you love her, but you know how they say "love is blind"? Yeah, that cna be a bad thing. The fact of the matter is she kissed someone else. If she had any decency she would've broken it off with you first if she really had feelings for this girl moreso than you. I'm terribly sorry, friend. thats a really shitty thing to have happen to you.

[Phopojijo]

I know. Im starting right now not texting her or seeing her or nothing. If i can make it tonight i know i can do it tomorrow and the next day.Didn't say to cut communication with her... nor do I necessarily agree with everyone's sentiment to ditch the girl.

She does have problems though... and will give you heartache... and likely will eventually not work out. Neither smothering or neglecting her is a good solution though.

[Phobias]

Kick it to the curb and move on.


Also forgot to say that we saw each other alot. we pretty much lived together but not really. I had my stuff at my house but i stayed the night at her house and I see her at work all day and at home. We never had time apart for ourselfs and to hang out with friends. Im pretty sure that has some play in this too.

Major burn out. Just cut your losses and return to the wonders of being a bachelor.

Also, the n00b was right, that is a fucking wall of text.

[§partan 8]

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[PlasbianX]

I think part of the initial problem was that you spent too much time with her. I speak this from experience, what may seem like a good idea at the time, can end up being seen as a bad thing when you really start to look into it at a later date. If she would break up with you, you have to stay strong and realize that you're strong enough to move on and find someone else. If things are meant to be, you'll be with her. If things aren't, then move on and begin searching for that missing link who truly does complete you. However, you do need some space in every relationship. So if / when you two work things out, show your affection for each other, but still have some space. Not giving her that space, is unhealthy for the both of you. Especially while you're on 'break' yet you keep texting / trying to see her. That just makes you come off and clingy. Now for the cheating, my honest opinion is for you to forget her. Cheating is a HUGE no-no in my books. I rather someone come to me and say they're unhappy, then cheat. You deserve better man. Hold your head up high, realize that you did the best job as a boyfriend you could of done, and move on and find that special girl who truly does deserve what you have to offer.

[Amit]

Lady problems eh?
Read this. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Vilar#The_Manipulated_Man_.281971.29)

That is a pretty big generalization of women, yet I find it brilliant.

[Limited]

Every relationship has problems. Everyone has fights in their relationship, dont be too distraught that you have had them. The key is to move on from them, forget them and obviously try to not have them again. Every person has their flaws, their partner will always have something that they dislike/find annoying about the other person.

A relationship needs both people to work at it, to accept certain parts of the other person, they may not like it but if they really love them, they will accept it.

This is your first girlfriend, therefore you will become very attached and possibly think she is the one, just don't rush into things. The fact you spent a ton of time together yes its great but every once in a while people just need their space, time to think about things. That isnt a bad thing.

To me it seems like you were both madly in love with each other, but simply just spent too much time together, you need your space, really try hard to not pester her and keep contacting her, its understandably hard right now, because this is the hardest part of the relationship.

Your right for asking her who this guy was, yes your not in control of her and you cant tell her what to do. But if shes paying more attention to her phone, than with you when your there then that is a problem.

As for the drunken night, personally I wouldnt take it to heart too much, unless you know the full exact details. Perhaps she got drunk, the other girl started to kiss her.

tr;dr

Just remember what you fell in love with her for. She was great, you loved her personality and it made both you and her extremely happy. You didnt fall in love with the side of her you didnt know about. Its up to you what your decision is whether to try and get her back, or to let her go and do what she wants to do. If you do get her back however, will you love the side that you didnt know about? Because things will never go back to what you fell in love with her for.

[Heathen]

Toot it and boot it.

[iizahsum]

Every relationship has problems. Everyone has fights in their relationship, dont be too distraught that you have had them. The key is to move on from them, forget them and obviously try to not have them again. Every person has their flaws, their partner will always have something that they dislike/find annoying about the other person.

A relationship needs both people to work at it, to accept certain parts of the other person, they may not like it but if they really love them, they will accept it.

This is your first girlfriend, therefore you will become very attached and possibly think she is the one, just don't rush into things. The fact you spent a ton of time together yes its great but every once in a while people just need their space, time to think about things. That isnt a bad thing.

To me it seems like you were both madly in love with each other, but simply just spent too much time together, you need your space, really try hard to not pester her and keep contacting her, its understandably hard right now, because this is the hardest part of the relationship.

Your right for asking her who this guy was, yes your not in control of her and you cant tell her what to do. But if shes paying more attention to her phone, than with you when your there then that is a problem.

As for the drunken night, personally I wouldnt take it to heart too much, unless you know the full exact details. Perhaps she got drunk, the other girl started to kiss her.

tr;dr

Just remember what you fell in love with her for. She was great, you loved her personality and it made both you and her extremely happy. You didnt fall in love with the side of her you didnt know about. Its up to you what your decision is whether to try and get her back, or to let her go and do what she wants to do. If you do get her back however, will you love the side that you didnt know about? Because things will never go back to what you fell in love with her for.


well I came here to give you advice, but Limited just gave me advice.

[SnaFuBAR]

look, i've been cheated on 6x before. the only thing that works is kicking them to the curb. that's my advice. i know it hurts but seriously, your relationship is only months old. you'll get over it. there will be many more gf's in your life. learn and move on.

[Donut]

yeah limited has given you awesome advice there.
E: snafs is even better

[§partan 8]

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[ThePlague]

Make sure she doesn't blame it on you, and don't feel guilty for doing it.

[Rentafence]

She cheated on her ex, she's sexting other guys, and she made it clear that she's cheating on you with some other chick. Sure you're really attached because she's your first and all that, but break off. It's not gonna end well. You clearly deserve better.

Cut all contact, hit the gym.

[§partan 8]

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[ThePlague]

Good man!

[sleepy1212]

The really sad part is that this is exactly the kind of girl you'd want to have 1 great night with, 3 tops. Don't ever date these kinds of girls. You messed up when you took in a weekender and tried to make it last. Live and learn.

[ICEE]

Good for you spartan. Good decision.

[Aerowyn]

Ok I have alot to say. I have to post this here because I have no where else to express my feelings.

I hardly believe that we are your only outlet for talking about this. Try talking to your parents, your friends. There are people in your life that are there for you, and those are the people you should be talking to. You take a gamble by venting on a place like this.


Was about her and meeting this guy that she was always texting all day and night while I was lying next to her and that really bothered me so we fought about that alot. I only brougt it up because she has cheated on her past ex before so I was worried it'd happen again.

I hate to sound harsh but once a cheater, always a cheater. You're much better off without her if that's the case.


She told me she's not happy with our realationship any more and that this girl makes her happy. We been on a break of our realationship since tuesday and Tuesday night she got drunk and cheated on me with the girl. I know she didn't mean too and she keeps saying sorry it was really dumb.

Again, not to be harsh, but she said she wasn't happy with you. And all of a sudden once she cheats on you she's SOOO sorry and didn't mean to and wants some sort of forgiveness? I smell bullshit, man. She did it on purpose, drunk or not.


Right now she said she wants a reaIationship with both of us. She is confused right now. She can't have both of us and by the way she talked to me I sure 95 percent shes leaving me. I love her way too much to just let this go like this.*

That's grief talking. You know you don't deserve to be treated that way by anybody. You don't deserve to be two-timed and put on the backburner while she goes and dicks around with someone else. You need to pick up the pieces, realize she doesn't deserve someone good like you, and get the hell out of there.

This is coming from someone who has been cheated on. I have been where you've been, and I know it's not easy to take the kind of advice I am giving you. Telling someone to move on is so easy, but it's so hard to do. My best advice is not to get overwhelmed by grief. Find support in your friends, go out and do things with other people. Distract yourself. BLOCK THIS GIRL ON EVERYTHING. Facebook, IMs, everything. Don't text her, don't call her. Shut her off and walk away. Continuing to go back to her is only going to put salt in the wounds.

You might love her because she is your first love, but you DESERVE someone who is going to love you and be faithful to you. Don't settle for anything less.

Like my grandma always told me, "You have to kiss so many frogs before you find a prince."

.... er, well, change it to make sense for a fella and there you go.

Good luck out there, buddy.

[leorimolo]

Ehh. Girls are manipulative bitches till they are married. Thats just my theory.

[Aerowyn]

Ehh. Girls are manipulative bitches till they are married. Thats just my theory.

So are boys :\

[n00b1n8R]

Ehh. Girls are manipulative bitches till they are married. Thats just my theory.


So are boys :\
My GF isn't and neither am I :haw:

[ICEE]

^ its not a 100% thing, obviously, and it isn't based on gender. Some people suck. End of story.

[§partan 8]

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[Donut]

good decision imo. do you feel any better now that its behind you? i know i did with my relationship.

[§partan 8]

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[L0d3x]

Random input here: if you ever feel a painful memory coming up...just supress/swap it with a different thought.
I personally like to think of "coliflower" in this respect. Sounds stupid, but it works!

[Warsaw]

Cauliflower happens to rhyme with my personal heartbreaker's name, so I tend to try and think of something violent and epic awesome instead...like blueberry muffins. :)