Quotes Funny Random

[21:46] =Σ= Haybot: dsalimander sticks sharpies up his ass
[21:46] =Σ= Moses: hawt
[21:46] =Σ= Haybot: he wraps them in seran wrap
[21:47] =Σ= Haybot: and does it while he smokes his weed
[21:47] =Σ= Haybot: which he hides in his computer case
[21:47] =Σ= Moses: and you use cyran wrap for whacking off
[21:47] =Σ= Moses: :-P
[21:47] =Σ= Haybot: lies
[21:47] =Σ= Moses: i seen it
[21:47] =Σ= Haybot: i use balloons
[21:47] =Σ= Moses: :-P
[21:47] =Σ= Haybot: fucks sake
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: its like a reusable condom
[21:48] =Σ= Moses: i watch your house with military satellites
[21:48] =Σ= Moses: i see you in your basement
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: really
[21:48] =Σ= Moses: playing with your penis while talking dirty to arby
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: do you see me with my pants down
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: wow you are so close
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: its not arby im talking dirty too
[21:48] =Σ= Haybot: not yet...
[21:49] =Σ= Moses: ._.

[02:16] =Σ= Moses: hahaha
[02:17] =Σ= Moses: like the time i was playing fatal frame
[02:17] =Σ= Moses: and i had just reloaded a game
[02:17] =Σ= Moses: and as soon as i moved a few feet from the save point
[02:17] =Σ= Moses: the ghost meter goes off
[02:18] =Σ= Moses: so i start looking around
[02:18] =Σ= Moses: and a ghost with it's neck broken, looking at me with it's head hanging backwards over it's body, started charging at me
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: it killed me since i had like no health
[02:19] =Σ= Haybot: lol that shit always startled me
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: yea
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: but
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: here's the best part
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: after i reloaded again
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: i waited
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: nothing happened for like 5 minutes
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: so
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: i went to the door and tried to go to another room
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: while opening the door
[02:19] =Σ= Moses: it charged at me through it
[02:20] =Σ= Moses: and killed me
[02:20] =Σ= Moses: i was like
[02:20] * =Σ= Moses throws controller down and walks out

[8:58:17 PM] =Σ= Geno: adult swim is just the guys who organize the shows
[8:58:24 PM] =Σ= Geno: hes not obsessed with anything
[8:58:48 PM] =Σ= Geno: he obsessed with a fake object of "wrongful" lust that he will never experience
[8:59:00 PM] =Σ= Geno: because it is both fake and so insignificant
[9:00:22 PM] =Σ= Geno: that when you finally experience it, much like intercourse, you realise that everything you have been waiting for, all of those fantasies and wild dreams that you once had, were over exaggerated thoughts that you used to prevent yourself from committing suicide
[21:02] =Σ= Moses: lul

[01:49] =Σ= Moses: well i g2g
[01:49] =Σ= Moses: got shit to draw
[01:49] =Σ= Moses: gonna be late doing it actually
[01:49] =Σ= Moses: fuck
[01:49] =Σ= Guidario: alright
[01:49] =Σ= Moses: i'd need like 10+ hours to do it
[01:49] =Σ= Guidario: jesus
[01:50] =Σ= Guidario: ok
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: if i want it to look right
[01:50] =Σ= Guidario: ill let you go
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: c ya
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: tell me to gtfo btw if i start to talk to u
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: need to work
[01:50] =Σ= Guidario: ok
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: but can be distracted easily
[01:50] =Σ= Guidario: WORK YOU FUCK
[01:50] =Σ= Guidario: JESUS
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: lol
[01:50] =Σ= Moses: bai ._.
[01:51] =Σ= Guidario: bye lol
Conversation ended: Sun, Aug 16 01:51:07 2009
Conversation started between =Σ= Moses and =Σ= Guidario: Sun, Aug 16 01:55:27 2009
[01:55] =Σ= Moses: hey.
[01:55] =Σ= Guidario: GTFO
[01:55] =Σ= Moses: :-(

Quote:

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English Mobster says (8:04 PM):
hi!
you ever eat?
Jemady says (8:05 PM):
mhmm
then had smores
then had icecream
English Mobster says (8:05 PM):

Jemady says (8:05 PM):
lol
English Mobster says (8:05 PM):
i want smore
s
and ice cream.
>.<
Jemady says (8:05 PM):
xD twisted carmel
English Mobster says (8:05 PM):
i want some!
Jemady says (8:05 PM):
and mint chocolate chip XD
English Mobster says (8:06 PM):
the torture!!!
>.<
THANKS
NOW I HAVE TO GET SOME ICE CREAM
Jemady says (8:09 PM):
bye
English Mobster says (8:09 PM):
erm.. bye?
Jemady says (8:09 PM):
byebye for your ice cream
English Mobster says (8:10 PM):
oh
i already got it
Jemady says (8:10 PM):
danget im slow
English Mobster says (8:10 PM):
welcome to my world!
Jemady says (8:10 PM):
hehehehehheehehehehheehhehee
no thNK YOU
-runs back to my world-
English Mobster says (8:11 PM):
aww... i had cookies ready for you...
they were fresh, now ive gotta ship them through UPS
and you know that UPS' intergalactic delivery takes FOREVER
they wont be warm and soft...
Jemady says (8:12 PM):
im dorry-huggles though space time contum
English Mobster says (8:13 PM):
its ok *hugs back through mysterious portal which opened up*
WAIT
NO
WE HAVE TO GET TO 88 MPH FIRST
INTO THE DELOREAN
Jemady says (8:13 PM):
-sighs- but that is SO out of date. i just use this braslet-shows you-
English Mobster says (8:13 PM):
oh
it has a built-in flux capacitor?
Jemady says (8:14 PM):
yep. mini sized too!
English Mobster says (8:14 PM):
wow! i want one!
dangit. they dont sell those in the stores, do they?
Jemady says (8:14 PM):
nope. its my own invention!
only one, for me!
English Mobster says (8:14 PM):
oh. what about me?
English Mobster says (8:15 PM):

Jemady says (8:16 PM):
the mimic mashien is still under construction sorry
English Mobster says (8:16 PM):
oh.
dangit.
tell those construction workers to hurry up!
English Mobster says (8:17 PM):
...you're using a bunch of Dinosaurs you "borrowed" from the Flintstones time period for the construction work, aren't you?
English Mobster says (8:18 PM):
i told you, dont screw with the space-time continum like that!
Jemady says (8:18 PM):
im sorry! there the strongest thing i could get in a short [eriod of time-yawns then giggles as i watch a teridactle go by
English Mobster says (8:19 PM):
you have a time machine.
that means you have all the time in the world
"oops! im almost out of time"
"wait, no im not!"
*sets dial on watch*
"ok, we're good!"
Jemady says (8:19 PM):
no not realy, because i havnt figured out the way to stop aging, beside becoming a vampire or such like creature of COURCE
English Mobster says (8:20 PM):
right, sorry about that trip i made to Noah's Ark when i accidentally put the unicorns and the lions together, and i put the Vampires on the sundeck...
poor unicorns...
Jemady says (8:23 PM):
nnononono
i saved the unicorns remember! i went back and saved them at leasst-haha
English Mobster says (8:23 PM):
oh, right
forgot about that
Jemady says (8:23 PM):
lol
English Mobster says (8:24 PM):
then you took them to the Jirassic Period...
that didnt go over well.
Jemady says (8:24 PM):
no i lost 10 f them, but saved the last three and here in the next time period witch im not supost to talk about
English Mobster says (8:25 PM):
oh, sure, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOOK THE QUANTUM PHYSICS CLASS YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE
Jemady says (8:25 PM):
of cource! and im the one with the time watch and mechian ^^
English Mobster says (8:26 PM):
right. and here all i have is this 1985 DeLorean with an outdated Flux Capacitor
Jemady says (8:26 PM):
exactly!
-wont mention ive a stock of new ones-
English Mobster says (8:27 PM):
at least it can fly! =D
Jemady says (8:27 PM):
what about my jet wings?
English Mobster says (8:27 PM):
kinda... the left front wheel needs a tune-up
oh, right.
dangit.
Jemady says (8:27 PM):
lol
hehe
English Mobster says (8:27 PM):
why do you have to be superior in every way?
Jemady says (8:28 PM):
because ima woman xD
English Mobster says (8:28 PM):
"take the art class" i told myself, "quantum physics wont ever do you any good"
YOU WERE WRONG, CONSIENCE
YOU WERE WRONG
Jemady says (8:28 PM):
heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheeheheheheheh eheheheehehe
English Mobster says (8:28 PM):
and i got a C in that art class, too.
Jemady says (8:28 PM):
well
your bad
English Mobster says (8:28 PM):
yeah
English Mobster says (8:29 PM):
i know
Jemady says (8:29 PM):
anywhom
you beat me with one thing
English Mobster says (8:29 PM):
i should have known better
Jemady says (8:29 PM):
well two...
English Mobster says (8:29 PM):
all i can draw is stick figures
Jemady says (8:29 PM):
lol
English Mobster says (8:29 PM):
and what is that?
Jemady says (8:29 PM):
you have two balls and i dont even have one(laughing too hard, its hard to type)
English Mobster says (8:29 PM):
...well, i guess so
*double-checks*
English Mobster says (8:30 PM):
yeah, ok
they're both there
Jemady says (8:30 PM):
omfg
-CAN STOP LAUGING NOW-
English Mobster says (8:30 PM):
I HAD TO MAKE SURE, OK?
TRYING TO RESCUE UNICORNS FROM HUNGRY LIONS IS HARD
Jemady says (8:30 PM):
-asighs- some men!
hehehehe
but you never did it remember i did!
English Mobster says (8:31 PM):
i thought for sure they would steal my left nut
then wait... WHY WAS I FIGHTING HUNGRY LIONS?
Jemady says (8:31 PM):
and unicorns wer just put in danger when slow people go in to help, becuase you broke off there horns and they had no MAGIC!
English Mobster says (8:31 PM):
DID YOU SEND ME BACK TO ANCIENT ROME AGAIN?
Jemady says (8:31 PM):
um...
English Mobster says (8:31 PM):
i thought they had those cotton candy holders stuck to their heads, ok?
Jemady says (8:31 PM):
-walks away wistling
English Mobster says (8:31 PM):
i was trying to do them a favor
Jemady says (8:32 PM):
-hehehehahahahaha
English Mobster says (8:32 PM):
don't you know how STICKY those things get?
and they dont have fingers
i just thought... i would try to help
Jemady says (8:32 PM):
-smacks back of your head then has to make sure c isnt around then does it again- are you crazy!
English Mobster says (8:33 PM):
umm... i dont know, i hang out with you a lot.
*giggles to self*
Jemady says (8:35 PM):
hehehe very funny. Im already crazy/insane and we all know it
English Mobster says (8:35 PM):
i know
it's quite entertaining
Jemady says (8:35 PM):
hehehe
English Mobster says (8:35 PM):
of course, without the craziness, you probably wouldnt have tried to invent canned bread
and you were right
English Mobster says (8:36 PM):
it IS the best thing since sliced
English Mobster says (8:40 PM):
of course, trying to invent it DID get you arrested on 3 counts of public endangerment, 2 counts of kidnapping and 18 counts of grand theft auto
its a good thing you had that hypnotizing ring!

---

Well. For those who are not "In the know", "Jemady" would be my significant other.

Quote:

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FriedMetroid: all words start to look really weird to me
FriedMetroid: when I examine them closely
operah0lic: what about bibliobibuli
FriedMetroid: at first I was going to say that's not a word
FriedMetroid: then I realized it is
FriedMetroid: this language is stupid

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People who quote themselves are awesome.

Quote:

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Nightlife: here is the breakup email I sent him
Nightlife: I was at my computer when I noticed Steam was downloading something. Intrigued, I opened my games tab to see what was downloading. When I saw it was updating Left 4 Dead, I was shocked, to say the least. I thought to myself, what could they possibly be patching this time? I read the update news and my reaction was nothing short of SHOCKED and DISGUSTED. Most of the update was fine, but one line in particular was so shocking and horrific it nearly made me vomit in rage. What was this one line that practically brought me to my knees with anger?

Fixed weapon density in Crash Course

How dare you do this, Gabe. By making it so there aren't Tier 2 weapons every ten feet, you have completely dumbed down the Crash Course experience for all your players. Previously, I was able to have many choices in my weapons. For example, if I wanted to use a hunting rifle for fifteen seconds, I would pick one up and use it until the next pile of tier 2 weapons. But you have removed all challenge from the game by stripping us, your loyal fans, of these choices (as we all know, the more choices there are, the more hardcore of a video game it is). All you have done is opened the floodgates for the casual gamers to pollute your game with their impurity. Because of this crime you have committed against humanity, I have no other choice but to boycott Left 4 Dead. Until you return the abundance of weapons to Crash Course, I absolutely refuse to purchase Left 4 Dead (the first one). This brings me to the significance of the subject line of this email:

I am breaking up with you and the rest of Valve Software.

This is going to be hard on both of us, I'm sure, but don't worry, you'll quickly find someone new to share your heart with. Probably one of those casual gamers you have turned to, thus alienating your true fans (such as myself), but I digress. It's not you, it's me. I'm just too good for you.

I hope we can still be friends.

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oh, emmzee.

Quote:

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FierceRayne: where the hells is josh
Tr4v1s: masturbating furiously to midget clown porn i sent him

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I lol'd

Not really a funny quote, but one that i find very interesting.

"All My Life I Have Been Trying To Figure Out Who The ENEMY Was; The ENEMY. But All Along The ENEMY Was The INNER ME; The INNER ME." - Kimbo Slice

Not a quote, but I couldn't find the "Stories Funny Random" so...

Quote:

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The following is allegedly an actual question given in a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their faith, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can reliably project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls,leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

(Allegedly this student received the only A.)

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E: Also

Quote:

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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes northlatitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat"

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

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http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/2192/lolsekky.jpg

I love my game programmer

Code:

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dkwiz214 (12:20:01 PM): alright, if you insist that's fine by me

trulife0127 (12:20:06 PM): Ok cool.

trulife0127 (12:20:08 PM): One thing

trulife0127 (12:20:15 PM): You must enter one easter egg

trulife0127 (12:20:20 PM): And its going to be a radio

trulife0127 (12:20:28 PM): playing love story by taylor swift

trulife0127 (12:20:38 PM): and a black kid with kanye west's face

trulife0127 (12:20:43 PM): dancing next to it

dkwiz214 (12:20:55 PM): *sigh*

dkwiz214 (12:20:56 PM): fine

trulife0127 (12:20:58 PM): WOOT

trulife0127 (12:20:59 PM): lol

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Quote:

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[21:02] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: http://forum.halomaps.org/index.cfm?...841&start=8529
[21:02] [ASP]Spartan094[»ШМ«]: portal to hell?
[21:03] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: guess
[21:03] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: better
[21:03] [ASP]Spartan094[»ШМ«]: portal to heaven
[21:03] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: uuuuuuuuu
[21:03] [ASP]Spartan094[»ШМ«]: circle
[21:03] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: n
[21:03] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: its from a new game
[21:04] [ASP]Spartan094[»ШМ«]: Your Mom
[21:04] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: n
[21:04] [»ШМ«]Advancebo: that came out in the 20th century

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:haw: