If I can picture what's going on in my head you did a good job, and I can. But why is Jason there in the first place?
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If I can picture what's going on in my head you did a good job, and I can. But why is Jason there in the first place?
Thats what I was about to ask. I got the perfect visual. Just need to know why Jasons there.
When writing, avoid using specific names without describing what they mean, and sometimes describing them can be awkward (I cringed when I read the phrase "...on his Heads-Up Display (HUD)..." in Contact Harvest >_< )
So sometimes it's best to use a generic term - It's not guaranteed that the reader is going to know what a Stryker is. I'd suggest replacing that with "personnel carrier"
Otherwise, your use words with regard to the text that is there purely to frame each use of my first name is satisfactory :v:
Keep it up.
Is that the end? Kind of abrupt. When you end a story, you need to let the reader know the end is coming. Wind it down, bring it to a close proper. I'll check yer grammar later, I'm going to bed.
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The first one reminds me of the Parasite Queen from Metroid Prime for some reason.
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Awesome. :3
+rep if I can.
Looks like colons draped on spines and a foot.