Quotes Funny Random

One day a man comes across a Genie. The genie offers the man one wish. The man says "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying and I get Sea Sick easily. Could you build a bridge from California to Hawaii?" The Genie responds "Do you have any idea how hard it would be for me to make such a bridge? I would have to take Oceanic Currents, Hurricanes, and the depth of the ocean itself into effect. I just can't do it. Make another wish." The man then says "Well, I have always had problems understanding my wife. I just wish that I could, at least once in my life, understand what she was saying." The genie says "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

my grandfather was in a concentration camp,

he fell out of a sniper tower

My grandfather was in a Concentration camp.

He died when someone fell onto him from a sniper tower.

merged w/ qfr

2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: **** yeah they're open for 9 minutes
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: 8 minutes
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: gonna order a pizza
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: and piss them off
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: oh my god lol
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: i hate it when people do that
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: are u calling dominos
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: no
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: online
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: ****
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: they're gonna hate you
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: yes
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: they want to go home
2:52 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: lol
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: I'll give htem
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: 50cent tip
2:52 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: instead of nicklel



2:56 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: What did you get anyway
2:56 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: barbecue chicken pizza
2:56 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: that I usually get


2:58 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: what was the total
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: 14.99+1.99 delivery charge
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: so 16.98
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: or 17$
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: hey so
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: you know how you can like
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: see the thing on the website
2:58 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: saying
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: this person is currenlty doing this with your pizza
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: welp
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: it stopped showing that
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: wondering if they ragequit
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: **** this i'm going home
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: lol
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: lol
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: so
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: total 16 98
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: your gonna give him 17 bucks
2:59 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: l@l
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: what tip do you think would be appropriate?>?
2:59 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: I've got a 20 too
3:00 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: but
3:00 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: don't want to tip 20%
3:01 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: idk i'd give him a few bucks atleast


3:02 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: I'll just give the 20 I gues
3:02 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: s
3:15 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: did he get there
3:15 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: no
3:15 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: he isn't coming is he
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: LOL
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: he should be there by now
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: they usually try to hurry
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: if its that close to closing
3:16 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: it's like a 5 min drive
3:16 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: I turned the porch light on too
3:16 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: lol
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: man
3:16 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: no update online?
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: you know how it has the progress bar
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: that's like
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: a red bar
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: fills up
3:17 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: ive never seen it personally
3:17 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: but i know what u mean
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: oh well
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: yeah
3:17 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: where is it at
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: like
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: 2 minutes in
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: it starts with
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: this person is making your order
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: and like 1/3rd is already filled lol
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: but
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: 2 minutes later
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: the 1/3rd part disappears
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: I left it open till like 5 mins ago
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: then closed
3:17 AM - Kyou Fujibayashi: they probably shut down their computers l@l
3:17 AM - EBENEEZER GOODE: lol yes

Quote:

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iger: do you have a boy friend (8:45 p.m.)Jaimee: I don't even have someone I am dating ... no ... u can be my boyfriend ;)
Tiger: then I am
Jaimee: I wish
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid
Jaimee: if we hang out on a Sundway we can watch desperate houswives again haha (Sept. 30, 3:38 p.m.)
Tiger: oh god

---

funny man

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wikipedia

Digital rectal massage has been recommended as a remedy that causes immediate cessation of hiccups and which should be tried before resorting to drugs.

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Oddly enough this is not the first time wikipedia has suggested that I stick things in my ass

Ifafudafi and I tend to have conversations on #modacity late at night, and tonight produced the weirdest ending to any conversation I've ever had:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by #modacity

[01:56] <+flibit> god, i reminded myself of a terrible joke
[01:56] <+Ifafudafi> it's one in the fucking morning
[01:57] <+Ifafudafi> you did it again
[01:57] <+flibit> how many mac users does it take to change a lightbulb
[01:57] <+flibit> also, it's 2 here, i win
[01:57] <+flibit> my exam is in 12 hours D:
[01:57] <+Ifafudafi> okay I'll bit
[01:57] <+Ifafudafi> e
[01:57] <+Ifafudafi> how many
[01:58] <+flibit> it's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it
[01:58] <+flibit> :D
[01:58] <+Ifafudafi> uh
[01:58] <+Ifafudafi> four
[01:58] <+flibit> nono
[01:58] <+flibit> datsthajoke.jpg
[01:58] <+Ifafudafi> (yeah I know, got damn(
[01:58] <+flibit> daw
[01:59] <+flibit> well, shit, we're clearly both tired
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> yeah and I have another god
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> damn
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> staff
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> meeting
[01:59] <+flibit> you go to bed mr. daffy, or you'll be iffy
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> no
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> bad pun
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> bad
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> pun
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> bad
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> bad
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> pun
[01:59] <+Ifafudafi> bad
[01:59] <+flibit> qfr anyone? XD
[02:00] <+Ifafudafi> nobody's here
[02:00] <+flibit> quotes funny random?
[02:00] <+Ifafudafi> yeah I know what qrf is
[02:00] <+Ifafudafi> you said "anyone" as if you were addressing multiple people
[02:00] <+Ifafudafi> *qfr
[02:00] <+Ifafudafi> fuck
[02:00] <+flibit> oh. way to ruin that too. :'[
[02:00] <+flibit> haha
[02:01] <+Ifafudafi> You see what you're doin to my gramar
[02:01] <+Ifafudafi> *GRAMAR
[02:01] <+Ifafudafi> **GRAMMAR
[02:01] <+Ifafudafi> ASDF
[02:01] <+flibit> not me brah
[02:01] * Ifafudafi is now known as DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP_R
[02:01] * DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP_R is now known as DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP
[02:01] <+DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP> GAAAAAHHH
[02:01] <+flibit> HAHA
[02:02] <+flibit> this is going up fucking now
[02:02] <+DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP> GAEA
[02:02] * DAFI_REALLY_SHOULD_BE_ASLEEP is now known as DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> grammar
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> is right
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> NO
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> CORRECT
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> I can sleep
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> peacefully
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> fuck
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> you
[02:02] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> ugh
[02:03] <+flibit> i'm dying right now trying not to wake up my roommate with laughter XD
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> I
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> CAPITAL
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> FUCKING
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> IT
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> *IO
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> **I
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> NIGGER
[02:03] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> NIGGER
[02:03] <+flibit> go to bed XP
[02:04] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> bed has shitty grammar
[02:04] <+DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP> NO
[02:04] * DAFI_SHOULD_REALLY_BE_ASLEEP is now known as DAFI_SLEEPING_FOR_REAL_BRO

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This is what you happens when you fuck with your teachers too often, kids. :eng101:

Every IRC bot should be like Wormgas from the rainwave.cc chatroom

Quote:

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[19:02:17] <Giania> wormgas would be a useless hostage, no one really likes him
[19:02:20] <wormgas> Giania: Him and a freind put it in one of the djp sailor moon remix just made my shoulders when i looked at it as a no.
[19:02:40] <Giania> See? useless
[19:02:48] <Metal-Geo> Well... yes.
[19:03:03] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: You're putting your life at danger!
[19:03:04] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Who says you're the only mutant i like putting the vulcan canno on the danger of going to your pitch black drop dead fred.
[19:03:11] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: Go back to owning!
[19:03:12] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Oh wait. I can't. I promised the boyfriend and ass owning, you sound like my teeth.
[19:03:18] <Metal-Geo> lol
[19:03:22] <Metal-Geo> Close. Close.
[19:04:40] <Giania> ahahaha
[19:04:48] <Giania> dammit, Metal-Geo, you sound like my teeth
[19:05:02] <Metal-Geo> What do teeth sound like anyway?
[19:05:08] <ToN> that's a pretty annoying sound
[19:05:08] <Metal-Geo> Cause I can't judge myself.
[19:05:14] <Metal-Geo> Ah.
[19:05:16] <Metal-Geo> Thanks.
[19:05:17] <Metal-Geo> :/
[19:05:17] <Giania> I would imagine clicky
[19:05:36] <Metal-Geo> Then again, wormgas does have different kind of teeth.
[19:05:41] <Metal-Geo> He being an Asian French slave...
[19:05:47] <ToN> wormgas has teeth?
[19:05:50] <wormgas> ToN: Efilon! How're your wisdom teeth out yesterday.
[19:05:51] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: What do your teeth sound like?
[19:05:53] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Like the sound of the mouse with your teeth.
[19:05:58] <ToN> XD
[19:05:59] <Metal-Geo> ...\
[19:06:08] <Metal-Geo> I don't even wanna know...
[19:06:11] <Metal-Geo> Or do I?
[19:06:14] <ToN> yes you do
[19:06:16] <ToN> ask again
[19:06:20] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: sound of the mouse with your teeth?
[19:06:22] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: At the very very very bottom of the mouse with your teeth.
[19:06:27] <ToN> lol
[19:06:28] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: Bottom?
[19:06:30] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: I did bottom left with the girls.
[19:06:33] <ToN> o.o
[19:06:42] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: You do feet?
[19:06:44] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: You have a race tracks, and cars avoid your feet when you cant use it to you.
[19:06:50] <Metal-Geo> lol
[19:06:55] <ToN> haha
[19:07:04] <Metal-Geo> Oh hell, I'm gonna tell a pal that once he's annoying.
[19:07:11] <Metal-Geo> "Dude, cars avoid your feet..."
[19:07:20] <ToN> XD
[19:07:25] <ToN> when you can't use it to you
[19:07:27] <Giania> Ahahaha
[19:07:33] <Metal-Geo> Yeah, that'll confuse their ass.
[19:07:41] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: Phil Collins
[19:07:44] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Phil ken sebben! Strength! Leadership! Vision!
[19:07:47] <Metal-Geo> Hahahaha.
[19:07:48] <ToN> considering their ass has intelligence to confuse
[19:07:48] <Giania> Nice
[19:07:56] <Giania> wormgas: did you get that thing I sent?
[19:07:58] <wormgas> Giania: So you like that comic i sent you the only good-looking women around any more.
[19:07:58] <Metal-Geo> ToN: Ever met a Dutch?
[19:08:03] <ToN> haha
[19:08:18] <Giania> gotta go
[19:08:22] <Giania> have fun confusing the bot
[19:08:22] <Metal-Geo> They have "intelligence" everywhere. Just not... "intelligent."
[19:08:25] <Giania> and yourselves
[19:08:26] <Metal-Geo> Awww, bye Giania.
[19:08:28] <Metal-Geo> ;)
[19:08:34] <ToN> later
[19:08:38] <efiloN> Quills, the end!
[19:08:45] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: Quills
[19:08:46] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Esh's oldman helped too.
[19:08:49] <ToN> >.>
[19:08:53] <Metal-Geo> Esh's?
[19:10:30] <efiloN> esh's to esh's
[19:10:33] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters Colon The Soundtrack
[19:10:35] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: The soundtrack in my head (like 20% of the items in the theaters.
[19:10:50] * djp has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
[19:10:52] * djpretzel has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
[19:10:58] <ToN> bai djp
[19:11:50] * ChanServ sets mode: +l 31
[19:11:52] <Metal-Geo> Goddamnit I want my new computer. :(
[19:12:00] <Metal-Geo> Everybody... HELP ME BUILD A TIMEMACHINE!
[19:17:55] <efiloN> nah not now, maybe in a few years
[19:18:21] <ToN> lol
[19:18:25] <ToN> it won't matter when
[19:18:33] <ToN> we can always go back in time and do it sooner
[19:20:14] <Metal-Geo> Oi, time paradox.
[19:20:39] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: I made an omelette for Satan!
[19:20:42] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: Satan in the face of the mouse with your teeth.
[19:20:51] <Metal-Geo> wormgas: You and your goddamn teeth and I sound like.
[19:20:53] <wormgas> Metal-Geo: They sound like my teeth.

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A note to the admins: Please put MegaHal into our channel bot
http://megahal.alioth.debian.org/Classic.html

this thread sucks.