Quotes Funny Random

Anyone from Gearbox remember Beavis?

Yeah well earlier I got a message from him over MSN while I was AFK. When I got back I was like "holy crap, it's Beavis!"

...except it wasn't. I picked up quick on it and decided to have a little fun. Normally I block sex bots without a second thought, so I find the hardcoded responses after a certain time to be hilarious.

Quote:

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beavis3@gmail.com: hi wanna see something??;-)
p0lar_bear: uh huh huh huh huh. uhhh... Beavis? Uhh huh huh.
p0lar_bear: Settle down, Beavis. Huh huh huh.
Beavis (MSN): don't take this the wrong way but can i tell you a secret, it has to do with you...
Beavis (MSN): are you sure?
p0lar_bear: uhhhhhhh huh huh huh. Are you like, uhhhh, hitting on me?
p0lar_bear: 'Cause, like, y'know, I'm gonna hafta smack you if you are.
p0lar_bear: Huh huh huh. Dumbass. Huh huh.
Beavis (MSN): okay.. i love u, well not really, its more like a crush and ive never even met you, ive never felt this way about anyone before its embarrassing
Beavis (MSN): thats me in the picture.. i wanna give u a present on webcam im really wet right now and want to do this quick with u
Beavis (MSN): k go to http://bit.ly/usECJJ?c1=mm&c2=2&c3=nc and youll see me warming up for u.... click "accept invite" on the left and once u join & see me we can start to play
p0lar_bear: Dammit, Beavis. That's it, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Beavis (MSN): this is how i pay my bills and i don't fuck my customers but you are making me change my mind

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I mirror your avatar right now.

funniest post all year.

Quote:

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[5:50:31 PM] Shigan: Alright assholes and ponies
[5:50:36 PM] Shigan: I'm going have a social life
[5:50:39 PM] Shigan: See yall laters
[5:52:04 PM] Codeman: What a loser
[6:27:48 PM] miami.monster: Masturbating doesn't count as a social life shigan

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It really doesn't. I should know.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Quote:

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[21:41:24] <DEElekgolo> http://i.imgur.com/iw6Na.jpg
[21:41:25] <DEElekgolo> mac user
[21:41:45] <Rentafence> i dont think thats actually his dick
[21:41:47] <Rentafence> it looks weird lol
[21:42:00] <DEElekgolo> yea
[21:42:05] <DEElekgolo> dont forget he is covered in shit
[21:42:06] <DEElekgolo> in case you forgot
[21:42:11] <Rentafence> oh
[21:42:11] <Rentafence> lol
[21:44:11] <Futzy> hes wearing a covering on his skin
[21:44:15] <Futzy> so hes not naked
[21:44:18] <Futzy> whats the problem
[21:44:36] <DEElekgolo> fuck
[21:44:38] <DEElekgolo> Futzy, shut up no he isnt
[21:44:42] <DEElekgolo> you guys
[21:44:44] <DEElekgolo> keep making me
[21:44:46] <DEElekgolo> reopen the picture
[21:44:48] <DEElekgolo> shut up

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.

Quote:

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buttes: it used to be annoying trying to get them to follow you around, opening up doors for them, and having to deal with them getting constantly killed

now players are the shitty ai teammate who has to follow the real protagonists around, wait for them to open up doors for you, and you can get killed all the time but they never do
buttes: deep post from badgame

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Quote:

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Cortexian: I think I found one of the best 4 wheel mechanics in canada
aquila chrysaetos: can he fix your bad driving

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emptyquote

Generation Y and the Rearing of Children

Quote:

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Denominator Says:
I hope your baby cries the entire time I'm at the zoo.

Null says:
:saddowns:

Null says:
She's sleeping right now.

Denominator Says:
Well wake her up.

Null says:
Just a second, I'll shake her vigorously.

Denominator Says:
You might want to drop her too.

Denominator Says:
Got any concrete floors nearby?

Null says:
Yeah, actually.

Null says:
Is it bad if her eyes are now rolled back into her head?

Denominator Says:
No, that just means she's sleeping hard.

Null says:
I hear that babies really like snow as well. It's like being in the womb all over again.

Denominator Says:
No, that's deep water.

Null says:
Snow is just frozen water, same thing.

Null says:
I'll just bury her deeper.

Denominator Says:
And they really really like being wrapped up in tons of blankets.

Denominator Says:
Or cellophane.

Denominator Says:
Whichever's more convenient.

Null says:
Garbage bags are a good substitute as well.

Denominator Says:
And don't forget to leave them near an open fire. They get cold really easily.

Null says:
I hear there's some really good insulation properties in gasoline or something like that. Should I cover her in that as well?

Denominator Says:
Then put her near the fire. She can discover her Jewish ancestry.

Null says:
Good, that will match the numbered tattoo that I gave her.

Null says:
(With a dirty needle, of course)

Null says:
It raises their immune system.

Denominator Says:
I hope you remembered to pierce her nipples with kitchen knives.

Null says:
Haven't heard of that one, I'll have to give it a shot.

Denominator Says:
Use the oldest and dullest knife you own. Sharp things are too dangerous.

Null says:
Yeah, I was going to give her a bottle of tylenol to shake as a rattle, but it said I had to keep the bottle away from children for some reason, so I just dumped the pills out on the floor.

Denominator Says:
You should have just taken a glass bottle and filled it with marbles.

Null says:
Yeah, I hear kids really like marbles.

Null says:
And glass.

Denominator Says:
I trust you've taught her to drive already?

Null says:
I'm going to have to use my wife's car, I tried in my Manual and she couldn't get it in gear. Just putting it into Drive is so much easier.

Denominator Says:
And make sure you leave a brick on the accelerator. She should only need to worry about one pedal at this point.

Null says:
Definitely.

Denominator Says:
And if you ever need to block a trailer in place and don't have blocks, I hear babies make an excellent subsitution.

Null says:
Yeah, I heard that their head is a lot harder for the first few years.

Denominator Says:
You might as well use it for a hammer when you're renovating you basement.

Null says:
When I have another kid, I'll use the new one to beat the older one.

Denominator Says:
Exactly. Who needs a belt when you've got siblings?

Null says:
Because it is a two fold punishment. Physical and Mental. Physical is obivious, but the Mental part, who wants to be over-powered by their younger sibling, its just demoralizing.

Denominator Says:
It can be double fold too. You could spank the older kid with the younger kid, so he has to keep putting his face in her ass.

Null says:
Brings new meaning to the insult "butthead".

Denominator Says:
Then, when you have a third child, you could dual weild them.

Null says:
Like Needlers in Halo 2.

Denominator Says:
I'm not sure your children would be that overpowering though.

Null says:
Depending upon who wields them.

Denominator Says:
Or, with 3 children, you could light them on fire and juggle them. Be the hit of the neighbourhood.

Null says:
I am a pretty good juggler. But after a while my arms get tired and I tend to drop them. It's always disappointing.

Null says:
When I have 4 kids, I can use 3 of them as a barrier for the 4th, to keep him in timeout or something. The hardest thing is getting the first 3 to stay still, but I've found a secret to that. If you hold a pillow over their face for a while, they get so concentrated from the lack of stimulus that they lie completely still.

Denominator Says:
Or you can overstimulate their face and it has the same effect. A baseball bat is usually most effective for this.

Null says:
I was unaware of that trick.

Denominator Says:
I also hear that it is neccessary to "break in" babies, like a baseball glove.

Denominator Says:
You need to kick them around a bit, throw balls at them, and play catch with them before they're useable.

Denominator Says:
It is also recommended to take them out into the wilderness and leave them be for a couple of days to harden them up.

Null says:
And then they learn their survival skills as well. Like what dirt tastes like and how to fend off wolves.

Denominator Says:
And how to hunt. I mean, seriously, who wants a child that can't kill a bear with it's bare hands?

Null says:
Psssh, one bare hand.

Null says:
Or, even just a cold stare.

Denominator Says:
Yeah. The child must be ambidextrous. How else will it survive after you use it to push wood through your table saw?

Null says:
Wait........ babies don't have super regenerative powers to grow back limbs?

Denominator Says:
No, Null. That's why you have multiple babies.

Denominator Says:
I've gotta go now. I'll see you in hell.

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Quote:

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Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: jka is full of fags
Eden . killed Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY by MOD_SABER
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: i tried playing there a few times with icka
Herpaderp : everyone named 420 ORANGE KUSH etc
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: and couldnt get past
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: the unbelivable nerdity
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: i thought this community was bad
FoU # Recon o.O!?: it's something
Herpaderp : well
FoU # Recon o.O!?: I played jka in it's beginnings
FoU # Recon o.O!?: was ok
FoU # Recon o.O!?: but 3 years after
FoU # Recon o.O!?: when I tried again
FoU # Recon o.O!?: I was like wtf
Herpaderp : this community kind of is
Herpaderp : really bad
Herpaderp : lmfao
illusion ~ Faden: lol
illusion ~ Faden: what
Herpaderp : I mean
Herpaderp : I love you guys
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY killed illusion ~ Faden by MOD_FALLING
Herpaderp : but I've seen prison showers
Herpaderp : more welcoming to new people
FoU # Recon o.O!?: hahahahaha
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: yeah well
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: its for their own good
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: the games dead
Kano Wins!...BRUTALITY: and the learning curb is too high

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:realsmug:

That wasn't a very endearing conversation at all for JK2.