[GALLERY] In the Studio, a view inside the mind of zilla baby.

[Bodzilla]

Sup fellas, i've been putting this off for a few months simply because i'm a lazy bastard who doesnt know wether to be proud or ashamed of the music i'm making and the lyric's i'm creating.
Im a bit shy this way and like to hold my cards close to my chest, for a variety of worthless reasons.

So if you've entered this you'll get to hear some of the music that i'm creating, adn the lyrical work i've got going on as well
Me and dano collaborate once a week to bounce ideas and jam, but where 2 very different people with different ideas. so every now and then we might get something of us jamming recorded and properly polished for you too see.
But at the moment it's mostly individual stuff.

Hope you enjoy.

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This is the first song i ever wrote and i wrote it to dano as a gift and tribute too his late sister Elke. I took various phrases of convo's i had with dano when he was going through this and infused some aspects into the song, later he re wrote it and made a different version thats nearly unrecognisable, but this is me remebering her.

Dissolving.

i cant see you clearly
as you lie before me
energy dispersing
gods hand reversing
your haunting eyes blind
as you fade from life.
i reach out to touch you
to see as you do, to become one
your haunting eyes blind
as you fade tonight

i cant believe your gone
i cant accept or realise
this is a lie
this isnt right

Her Life Slipping
My fear gripping.
Misery loves company
and tonight it found me.

your final hour's approaching
and i'm gripped with loathing,
with fear as you
become undone,
become one.

i should have known
it cant be so.
there is no life
theres no fucking life.

you shall not take her from me.
you shall take her place
to protect our tree.
i hate you, i hate you
i hate you, i swear to god i fucking hate you.
look what you've done
she has become.
one.

fading dissolving evolving
into me
fermenting, shaking, hating
myself
theres no one else.

goodbye.

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This next one came out of watching way too many Oz episodes ( i got all 6 series and plowed through every episode). It's very hard to explain the message behind this, but hopefully you'll pick it up yourself.
i wrote 2 versions of it. this is the first

Ode to the fallen Man.

Surrounded by walls,
reducing men to crawl,
I'm on my own.
held safe by Lies
as life decays from my eyes.
i cant see.....

i'm so tired
i'm just so fucking tired.
of it all, will i survive?
will i make it through tonight?
after all i've Become,
and all i've done
i'm still my Mother's son.
and yet i am shunned.

nothing
I have nothing at all.

Fighting to stay Alive. But for what?
to prolong the demons to hound
unbound? inside me
for eternity...

I pray for end, i pray for me
i pray to regain my sanity
For if i loose, i Loose myself
to no one else For
forever and an eternity.
with nothing I sit and wait
for my end, approaching me
swiftly. and calmly.
it takes...

My demons Chase, my Heart Races
Searching for a way out.
Yet i still remain.
Here i am, Locked in place,
Locked from a part of myself.
It's torture.

Bring it back, I need it back
To function, To be human
once more.
and for forever i'll be caged
destroying me from the inside
i rage.
I Fade.

destroying me from the inside
i decay.

Let me free, wont you
let me be, let me be
human once again.
i need myself, to survive

theres no one else
and i'm reminded
that i have nothing.

nothing but my self
but how long will i last?


Ode to the fallen man Version 2.

Surounded by these walls
Reducing men to crawl
Held safe by my Lies
as life decays from the inside

and i've lost my Sight!
Fear of death in the night
and i fade away...
it haunts me, it haunts me the shame.

I fight to keep alive
to prolong this agony
but my demons chase,
and my soul slips away
wont you stay these hounds
back off and leave me be tonight
it wont be long now (i'll be a mounde)
you'll get you wishe (6 feet down)

what a beautiful sight,
me at a grave site.

(speech)
they instil the fear, NOTHING is clear
and watch as my understanding
of all that it, and all that was
fades away into an unretainable
requium of my shattered foundations.
Opaque i see now.
My insanity gives me clarity.

and i've lost my Sight!
Fear of death in the night
and i fade away...
it haunts me, it haunts me the shame.

the end cant come soon enough.

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This ones about being controlled and loosing your power in a desolving relationship. Wether it be with a lover or somone else.
This is about me and my boss.

Under the thumb

here i am
i've shed my skin
all alone again
bring it on
Take me out
if u dare

i see you advancing
menacing never ending
bring it on
Take a bite out of me
and taste my uncertainty
the fear
the curse
the Disease of being
on the Outside again.
Where no-one
can see
me

My lifes in the balance
hanging Pricariously
Bite me again.
my fists Clench
watching and waiting
Bite me again.
and have another Taste
Feel hate, Make Haste
Take me out
if u dare
i'm to numb to care.

ANd here i am
i'm before u again
more unstable
more enabled.

no more manipulation
on the verge of revelation
i'll end it this time
this will be the last time
i swear,
no more,
i cant,
i will,
i hate,
and i Lie to myself again
in vain,

you've got me again.
i'll never Win.

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This next song is Part two of "under the thumb" It's the next stage of the realtionship breakdown, where the roles of dominance reverse and they come crawling back.

Mutual Seperation

WHy do i come back again
playing along, it never ends
and these stakes, they take from me
an essence of which makes me complete.

it feeds inside me you'll never know
i need a place to call my own
a space to heal and to be free
of you.

and why wont this shit ever end?
theres no point lying, i cant pretend
all the likes and dislikes that you
have now and had then

you dont make sense.
your confused.

now kneel and cower
(thats right, beg forgiveness)
squirm and squeel
(it's useless)
your right where i want you
at my feet.

and this shit cant be undone
your not saving anyone
all your lies you hide inside
eat away, this isnt right.

it's time,
to say goodbye.

theres nothing i can do for you,
theres no point in saving you
now lie down in your cesspool
and imbrace it, you fucking fool.
and your done.

now kneel and cower
(beg forgiveness)
squirm and squeel
(it's useless)
your right where i want you
at my feet.
this wont gain my trust
Feel defeat.
and when it's all said and done
(one more chance, baby please? just one)
i'm tired of your antics
it's bullshit.
now get the fuck away from me.
get the fuck away from me
get the fuck away from me
get the fuck away from me
your diseased.

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This next ones about a girl i was chasing a few years back in school, and an event happened between our group and i lost the very part of myself that she was attracted too.
I was alot nicer person a few years ago, the good guy, could do no wrong but after being stalked and hassled for over 3 years i broke and that part of me faded.
and i lost her.

Reversion

Reversion is the key
As i bleed myself anew
Others with faith believe
i am what i once was.
i've changed myself
to what i've become,
with view askew
Myself undone.

I wont take this shit
Striving to be, it's hypocrosy
I cant live like this
Failing to be
me
Oh god help me change

Why?
do i need to change? (or someone to blame)
Lie.
Have i became deranged (or am i sane)
Who?
all i've put you through (i've lost you)
Know.
i still need you.
Come back to me

Revert to my old ways
so i will be saved
To break these chains
That hold me in place
So i can be free.
all for she

Why?
do i need to change? (or someone to blame)
Lie
Have i became deranged (or am i sane)
Who?
all i've put you through (i've lost you)
Know
i still need you.
Come back to me
come back to me
come back to me
Before i get to me.
and Cease to be.

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This is my latest song where i've tried to go somewhere different, away from the Anx and hopefully touch on something more meaningful.
hello.
wake the fuck up.

Polydicks (best pun eva i know)

just acepting what you've been told
cant you see they've been sold
to the highest bidder?

Why
wont you just answer the....
Lie
to my face again..
shy
away from the facts that...
pry
into the truth.

not questioning but listening
as your feed bullshit on politics
and sick shit to make you ill.
Fight back from oppresion
use disgression and figure
it out for yourself.

sit there to become brainwashed
as your inteligence is insulted
and salted on a plate of deception
and insubordination.
one nation?
huh.
one station, one switch, no will
no thoughts, no facts more lies,
less time.

Why
wont you just answer the....
Lie
to my face again..
shy
away from the facts that...
pry
into the truth.


These are all Heavily WIP, and by the time i get them to the point that i would consider recordable, i'll have re-written them 10 times.

I happen to write these all on a flash of inspiration, or a ryhme, and sometimes it gets a bit scattered. But there all about things swimming in my head as i sink little by little into a a more jaded mindset.

Also i'll get some of my guitars up later, i have them recorded i just need to do other shit first so i'll come back later and upload them.
Enjoy.

<3 zilla.

(p.s. i love you KM00)