Quotes Funny Random

[Mr Buckshot]

I was watching the last episode of Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and they had a few minutes of "Jay walking" where Jay asks simple questions to totally random people on the streets...and they get them totally wrong.

Quotes from jay walking:

Q: What does the DC in Washington DC stand for?
A: Da Capital

Q: Where is the Panama Canal located?
A: I don't know
Q: Ok, then where is the Great Wall of China located?
A: Probably China?
Q: Correct. Then where is the Panama Canal located?
A: Idk...Japan?

Q: (points at U.S. flag waving in the wind) How many stars are on that flag?
A: It's flapping too rapidly, I can't tell.

Q: Who was the first U.S. president?
A: Benjamin Franklin?

Q: Where do people speak Gaelic?
A: San Francisco

Q: Which countries border the United States?
A: I don't know
Q: take a guess?
A: Australia?

Q: What was the name of the pilgrim ship that landed at Plymouth Rock?
A: U-Haul

[itszutak]

Q: Which countries border the United States?
A: I don't know
Q: take a guess?
A: Australia?

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMOREE


Probably my favorite part of that segment.

[Mr Buckshot]

At a gas station in Washington state:

American: Hey are you guys from Europe?
Me: No we're from Canada...why?
American: Then why is it "British" Columbia on your license plate? Did you import your car from there?

That guy should go on Jay Leno's show too :P or maybe he already did.

[n00b1n8R]

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_Veo0G2qfY
*thats the trailer i saw
Terrence says:
*back
Matt says:
*you left
Terrence says:
*ok
*it's going to be shit
*soooo bad
*soooooooooooo shit
*holey fuck
*it's like they went "hey, lets take the shitty bits from the first movie
*AND MAKE IT EVEN MORE ANNOYING"
Matt says:
*i dont understand what there isnt to like, but everyone is different i guess
Terrence says:
*OH MY GOD
*I SEE ANCIENT SYMBOLS
*AND I'M AT COLEDGE
*AND MY PARENTS ARE RETARDED AS EVER
*AND MY GIRLFRIEND IS HOT
*HERE
*HAVE SOME ASS SHOTS
*SEE HOW SHOT SHE IS
*LOL
*OK SO NOW OPTIMUS IS BACK
*AND HE KEPT
*A SECRET!
*DUN DUN DUN
*AND MEGATRON IS BACK
*AND WANTS
*HIS MIND!
*(EVEN THOUGH MEGATRON DIED)
*(THAT'S HOW MUCH HE WANTS IT)
*AND LOOK
*WE'VE COMBINED ALL THE AUTOBOTS
*INTO A MEGABOT
*ARN'T WE COOL
*IT'S LIKE WE'RE THE FUCKING MIGHTY MORPHING POWER RANGERS
*it'll suck
*(fuck yahtzee, i've mastered his own art - professional bitching)

Why does Hollywood hate Transformers?

also

Terrence says:
*pipa just agreed to go out with me
*you're dumped
*sorry

Dumping my girlfriend for my 2nd bestest mate's 15 yr old sister helz yeaaah
Pipa using Mark's msn:

Mark says:
*no no no no u wont get me to say yes so stop asking
*she says yes
Terrence says:
*awesome
Mark says:
*no i dont
*mark is a tool
*and is lieing
*lying
Terrence says:
*shut up i just broke up with stacey to be with you you best not be lieing
Mark says:
*i said no
Terrence says:
*YOU SAID YES
Mark says:
*NO I DIDN't
*I SAID NO I WONT SAY YES
*EVER"

Shit, now i have to go suck up to stacey

Terrence says:
*so....
*wana go out?
*(this is kinda awquard..)
Stace - Tezza❥ says:
*(you spelt awkward wrong honey)
Terrence says:
*(is that a yes?)
Stace - Tezza❥ says:
*(i never said that lol)
Terrence says:
*(you never said no either)
Stace - Tezza❥ says:
*(i knoww)
Terrence says:
*(heh)

She can't resist

[ThePlague]

In 5th grade my teacher caught me masturbating during class. She made me come to the front of the class (pants still around my ankles) and finish in front of everyone.

What. The. Fuck. Seriously?

[Bodzilla]

[18:25] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: also
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: not happy jane
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: i'm broke
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: drank ny way though 90 bucks last night
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: and didnt even get drunk
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: what teh fuck
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: home by 10:30
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: started at 6:30
[18:26] Terrence: LOL
[18:26] Terrence: LOL
[18:26] Terrence: YEARS OF BINGING
[18:26] Terrence: HAVE MADE YOU
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: fucking bullshit
[18:26] Terrence: TOLLERANT
[18:26] Terrence: LOL
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: now i'm poor
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: and 50 bucks in debt
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb:
[18:26] Terrence: HAHAHAHAHHA
[18:26] Terrence: pwnd
[18:26] Terrence: self pwnd
[18:26] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: Fuk you
[18:27] Terrence: ~never drunk in my life~
[18:27] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: fuckers dont know how to mix drinks i swear to god
[18:27] Terrence: i could get hammered with half a shot of cola rum bro
[18:27] Terrence: heh
[18:27] Zizlah hte Sex Bomb: you really are a pathetic puny man

[n00b1n8R]

195 cm (6'5" for you rednecks) of puniness

[Bodzilla]

they all look the same height sprawled unconscious on the bar room floor.

[n00b1n8R]

And getting dragged into your ute and dumped on your bed to wake up with some creepy stains 7 hours later, amiright?"

Can't wait for your 21st

[Phobias]

zilla, we HAVE the have a drinking competition.

$400 worth of booze should just about cover the warm up.