ENGINEER PSA
The words “PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT” appear on the screen. After a few moments, the RED ENGINEER walks on.
ENGINEER: Salutations. I am the purveyor of mechanical contraptions known as the RED Engineer and this is my Public Service Announcement. I come before you today to speak on behalf of myself and my Engineer brethren and to shed light on the situation that the Engineer class has found itself in as of late.
The ENGINEER clicks a button on a slide-clicker he is holding to change the background to the menu screen from the Soldier/Demoman “War”.
ENGINEER: As you are no doubt aware of by now, two of my fellow classes have been engaged in a petty rivalry recently, and I have been caught up in the crossfire. I am not normally a man to choose sides in a conflict such as the one before us presently, nor am I one to preach about how it is unfair that one side won and the other lost. Those are facts of nature and fit well within the perspective of my mind’s theatre. I am here today to bring to light the side effects of this war and hopefully initiate a series of changes which will weaken the general effect which this conflict has brought upon us.
The ENGINEER clicks his slide-changer once more, revealing a chart of the number of destroyed Sentries over time. There is a significant jump in the number of destroyed Sentry guns since the war update, which is highlighted.
ENGINEER: As one can conclude from the chart before you presently, the number of destroyed Sentries has risen by a factor of 742% since the time of the Soldier/Demoman update. The new weaponry granted to each class has had a significant impact on how effective the Sentry guns are. They have given the Soldier and Demoman classes a boost whilst at the same time weakening my own class, and the powers that be-
The ENGINEER lets out a cough which sounds suspiciously like “Valve”.
ENGINEER: Sorry. The powers that be have constantly refused my requests to weaken the effect of the items known as the Direct Hit, Scottish Resistance, Chargin’ Targe, and et. al. Thus, I require some public support to bring about changes, hence the reason why I am making this Public Service Announcement. I have also perfected some new technological contraptions which are ready for deployment on the field, but once again the powers that be-
The ENGINEER lets out another cough, which once again sounds suspiciously like “Valve”.
ENGINEER: Sorry, suffering from a case of vasomotor rhinitis. As I was saying, once again the powers that be have indefinitely delayed their deployment onto the field, and thus I am forced to work with my ineffectual and outdated pieces of equipment until they say otherwise. In the meantime, I have another issue which I feel needs to be brought before the attention of the public.
The ENGINEER clicks his slide-clicker and changes the background to a picture of the “Cheater’s Lament” hat.
ENGINEER: This little doohickey right here has caused a right bit of trouble for me and my fellow brethren. A secondary item on my agenda for appearing before you today is to try to persuade the opinion of those powers that be to making this unobtainable item or something similar obtainable in one form or another for me and my fellow Engineers. We may have engaged in some disreputable activities on some disreputable battlefronts, but I do not feel that such activities should withhold me nor any of my comrades from being granted an item. I am from the way of thinking that dictates that if an item is obtainable for some, it should be obtainable for all. I do understand that granting those who were doing these disreputable activities an item known as the “Cheater’s Lament” may be a smidge ironic, which is why I put all my brainpower towards devising this little doodad before you right here:
The ENGINEER clicks his slide clicker and changes the background to a picture of “Cheater’s Lament”-style devil horns.
ENGINEER: With the help of the members of the public watching this Public Service Announcement, I am hoping that my design will enter into consideration the minds of the powers that be. I am hoping that they will review my design and grant it to those who were not given an exclusive hat, as such an action would quall many disagreements in our little community.
The ENGINEER clicks his button one more time, changing the background to what it was at the beginning of the PSA.
ENGINEER: I hope that this Public Service Announcement has been able to sway your opinions towards those held by yours truly. I am all for a more consistent style of play and I hope that an agreement is reached soon which will ensure more enjoyment for all parties involved wherein. I am the RED Engineer, and this has been my Public Service Announcement. Thank you for watching.
Fade out to the Team Fortress 2 main theme.
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