Quotes Funny Random

[ExAm]

Where I grew up, there this thing called 'silent pass':

• Wait until it get's dark
• Fill a car with as many people you can muster
• Head for a curvy road, and speed up to something like 50-70 km/h above the limit
• When you get within 200 meters of a car, you turn off your lights
• At 50 meters, turn off the engine and just slide silently.
• Everybody sticks their faces next to the right side windows.
• As you pass, watch in awe as the people in the other car totally freak out.

TL;DR: Stupid people tend to die in groups.

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[Cojafoji]

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HAHAHAHAHA

Exam that was the best thing I've read all day...

[ExAm]

[01:23] Jason: YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH
[01:23] Jason: ONE FUCKING SECOND LEFT
[01:23] Jason: ONE FUCKING SECOND
[01:23] J. Oliver Judd III: Nice
[01:23] J. Oliver Judd III: Very nice
[01:23] Jason: and if i hadn't taken a tumble and forgotten to leap the mountain
[01:23] Jason: and not hit the side of the ravine leading to the parker safehouse
[01:23] Jason: it would have probably been with twelve seconds or somesuch left
[01:24] Jason: 4:04.27 out of 4:05
[01:24] Jason: man
[01:24] Jason: that was close as fuck
[01:25] J. Oliver Judd III: You might say that when you finished, the timer was
[01:25] J. Oliver Judd III: *shades*
[01:25] J. Oliver Judd III: in the red
[01:26] Jason: really?
[01:26] Jason: man, and you said I was reaching far for that harley/fag pun
[01:26] Jason: d:
[01:26] J. Oliver Judd III: oh come on
[01:26] J. Oliver Judd III: that's less of a reach
[01:27] Jason: at least mine was a clear connection to the south park episode
[01:27] J. Oliver Judd III: dude
[01:27] J. Oliver Judd III: the game takes place on Mars
[01:27] J. Oliver Judd III: "Red" is used everywhere
[01:28] Jason: i still think it's a bit more of a stretch
[01:28] J. Oliver Judd III: Reginald! .... I disagree!
[01:28] J. Oliver Judd III: *drives off*
[01:28] Jason: *scoff*
[01:28] Jason: you don't even drive
[01:29] Jason: at least I can perform drive-by arguments in real life
[01:29] Jason: you can only type them out in an instant message
[01:29] Jason: i think the best you could do is disagree with me, then give me five bucks to drive by myself while you yell at my previous location from the passenger window
[01:30] J. Oliver Judd III: nah
[01:30] J. Oliver Judd III: I'll use the bus
[01:30] Jason: you ever see a drive by of any kind performed from a bus?
[01:30] J. Oliver Judd III: Exactly
[01:30] J. Oliver Judd III: it's so unexpected
[01:30] Jason: and what if i'm standing off its route?
[01:30] J. Oliver Judd III: you can't avoid the metro's routes forever
[01:31] Jason: and plus
[01:31] J. Oliver Judd III: they shall become the web to my spider
[01:31] Jason: since i am not bound by the restrictions imposed on bus drivers
[01:31] Jason: i will still be able to drive by you, while you are bussing, and disagree
[01:31] Jason: there will be massive ego-casualties
[01:32] J. Oliver Judd III: you can't disagree if I have already disagreed
[01:32] Jason: none will survive
[01:32] J. Oliver Judd III: that makes no sense
[01:32] J. Oliver Judd III: what
[01:32] Jason: then how does one debate?
[01:32] J. Oliver Judd III: are you disagreeing with my disagreement?
[01:32] Jason: why, yes
[01:32] J. Oliver Judd III: That means you think we agree
[01:32] Jason: i am disagreeing with the reason for which you disagree
[01:33] J. Oliver Judd III: This is quickly turning into a Monty Python sketch
[01:33] Jason: I disagree
[01:33] J. Oliver Judd III: see?
[01:33] Jason: no, I don't
[01:33] J. Oliver Judd III: This statement is false.
[01:33] Jason: no, this statement is false!
[01:34] J. Oliver Judd III: touché

[Donut]

[18:37] ICEE: drink of the day: one pouch hot coaco mix, one pouch vanilla instant breakfast, 3 spoonfuls peanut butter, one tray icecubes, one glass of milk
[18:37] ICEE: blend until smooth
[18:37] ICEE: and prepare to shit your insides out
[18:37] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: ........
[18:37] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: its the peanut butter
[18:37] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: idk
[18:37] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: lol
[18:37] ICEE: it is.
[18:38] ICEE: peanut butter + blender = laxative
[18:38] ICEE: but so delicious
[18:38] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: ill bear that in mind next time i want to repeat the DC shit incident
[18:39] ICEE: no no no man
[18:39] ICEE: the line is
[18:39] ICEE: SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
[18:39] ICEE: heres what you do
[18:39] ICEE: eat bannanas and milk for several days
[18:40] ICEE: get nice and constipated
[18:40] ICEE: THEN
[18:40] ICEE: take a day's doseage of fiber pills
[18:40] ICEE: one doseage of laxative
[18:40] ICEE: and a double dose of muscle relaxer
[18:40] ICEE: and have a beer
[18:40] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: do you enjoy buying new pants
[18:40] ICEE: then sit on the john, listen to pink floyd and wait
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: oh
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: yeah
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: the pink floyd is necessary too
[18:41] ICEE: entirely
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: because thats all i need to take a shit
[18:41] ICEE: -.-
[18:41] ICEE: no no
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: yes yes
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: thanks for the advice
[18:41] * =☭= Barron Von Biznitch logs
[18:41] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: *in pen*
[18:41] ICEE: *on your sister's back*
[18:42] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: yeah shes on the other side of the state
[18:42] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: so no
[18:42] ICEE: get a longer pen
[18:42] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: ROFL
[18:43] ICEE: lol, two letters more to that sentence and you have the advice I gave westie when he was dating a girl in australia
[18:43] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: holy shit
[18:43] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: rofl
[18:43] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: how the hell did he date someone in australia
[18:43] ICEE: idk if it was so much dating as it was she enjoyed stripping for him on webcam
[18:44] ICEE: once while I was in the room
[18:44] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: wow
[18:44] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: what an aussie slut
[18:44] ICEE: yeah he broke it off with her i believe
[18:44] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: i bet she turned the webcam off and banged 4 other guys
[18:44] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: at the same time
[18:44] ICEE: yeah thats why he broke it off
[18:44] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: ROFL she did that?
[18:44] ICEE: I guess she had like 3 boyfriends
[18:45] =☭= Barron Von Biznitch: oh i was close
[18:45] ICEE: 2 of which were physically in australia
[18:45] ICEE: i think thats how the story went
[18:45] ICEE: with westie you have to figure shit out
[18:45] ICEE: he speaks cryptically
[18:45] ICEE: does not go well in love notes though
[18:45] ICEE: he wrote one to this chick back in sophomore year
[18:46] ICEE: and she comes up to me
[18:46] ICEE: "hey do you know who westie is? and what does this mean?"
[18:46] ICEE: and I was like
[18:46] ICEE: "run"

[p0lar_bear]

So jcap took his first step ever into /b/ yesterday, shortly after I had finished working on something for the day. I show him my progress and get this:

[01:18] jcap: [link to long-deleted gay furry porn thread on /b/]
[01:18] jcap: this thread is 4 u
[01:19] p0lar_bear: jcap
[01:19] p0lar_bear: don't make me rage-delete the site.
[01:20] jcap: I've only been browsing the games, sports, and tech sections the past week
[01:20] jcap: never go into /b/
[01:20] jcap: of course I let my curiosity get the best of me and I click
[01:20] jcap: and now I see furries and porn sites
[01:20] p0lar_bear: and you're greeted with your favorite thread
[01:21] jcap: and I jizz in my pants
[01:24] p0lar_bear: so, awesome
[01:24] p0lar_bear: i'm apparently working for gay furry porn
[01:25] p0lar_bear: is this modacity or furaffinity
[01:25] p0lar_bear: i can't tell anymore
[01:25] jcap: furracity

You heard the man, we're now a game modding community site for furries. Welcome home, Sel.

(You know, thinking about it, I really wish I'd get more funny shit to post that doesn't relate to furries somehow...)

[Rob Oplawar]

Cleverbot: What is your name?
User: Rob.
Cleverbot: What is your quest?
User: I seek the grail!
Cleverbot: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
User: What do you mean, an African or European swallow?
Cleverbot: African.
User: How do you know so much about swallows?
Cleverbot: Well, you have to know these things if you want to pass the Turing test, you know.
User:

Cleverbot is always so good at quotes.

[Inferno]

So jcap took his first step ever into /b/ yesterday, shortly after I had finished working on something for the day. I show him my progress and get this:



You heard the man, we're now a game modding community site for furries. Welcome home, Sel.

(You know, thinking about it, I really wish I'd get more funny shit to post that doesn't relate to furries somehow...)

[Que M00kz Reply]

Speaking of m00kz, where the fuck is he? I was going to ask him for the source to the Halo TC. If you see him yell at him for me bro.

[DEElekgolo]

I never thought this would happen in a practicle situation.
I was trolling a mac user's formspring but just... wow...

[Syuusuke]

Everyone uses more than 2 gigs on macs and Pcs!

THINK OF THE PORN.

[Bodzilla]

Error: penis
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: i just finished mass effect 2
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: aand i i failed hard
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: really hard
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: i boned tali
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: which is a plus
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: but i failed really hard
Error: what
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: lost miranda, legion and thane
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: and i just found out that nobody had to die
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: goddammit
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: oh
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: and the entire crew
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: :FML:
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: it's a lonely old ship the normandy
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla:
Error: Commodore is pro at video games
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla:
Error: at least you got laid though
Error: thats one plus
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: yeah
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: but too bad theres nobody left on the ship to boast to
[Muppets]Commodore: Bodzilla: fml