Originally Posted by
A writefag at /tg/
At first, I was confused as to why the Inquisitor had brought me along with him as he made what he called 'a cordial visit to an old friend'. This was our first outing together since I'd been thrown into one of his cells as a leader some two years ago. Throne, it was the first time I'd seen him since I was recruited! I figured this was a test for me, and I took it as such. I was watchful, patient, and ultimately kept my damn mouth shut.
It turned out the good Inquisitor was calling in on some lower functioning Magos of the Mechanicus, one of the ones who specialise in 'knowing the enemy'. Give them a weapon, they tell you how it works so you can best avoid getting shot with it. Safe enough without getting into heretical territory.
So we met this fellow in his lab, a tiny speck of flesh wrapped in heavy coils and clunking machinery, babbling through a half distorted speaker about having proved some theory. I wasn't really listening at that point, more trying to see if anything else in the room was amiss. When the Inquisitor began to discuss things with the overly excited gear-head, that was when I started to pay attention.
"There was a discovery, Makeniel?" my Inquisitor asked, ignoring the mass of flailing inorganic limbs that whipped about grasping at various machinery all about them. It seemed to be fairly obvious to me there had been something important going on, or else the cog-boy had been leaning too close to his ceremonial incense, if you catch my meaning.
"Oh yes!" The mostly-man screeched with feedback that made me wince, "I've been examining that Orkinoid weapon you gave me, and I've come to a stunning conclusion!"
The Magos shuffled over to a small table where a big slab of metal piping with various parts haphazardly welded onto it was sitting. It took me a moment to realise that it was meant to be a weapon, if only because if it was anything else it still would have killed someone were it used. There was a feed of ammo coming out the side of it, but to be honest it looked more like someone had taped a bunch of ration cans together. I'd never seen Orks before, you see. All my work had always been around hives, and you don't see too many of the greenskins in our sector that aren't feral.
"See this?" The man hoisted the gun up into his many arms, and pointing the weapon at a nearby wall began to pull the trigger. Nothing happened, not even a clicking sound to say it was out of ammo, "We've tried to use this device for over a decade now. Seven different Magos and not one of us can get it to work!" He seemed oddly pleased about that, in a deadpan sort of way, "We're just about ready to submit our report into the nature of the Ork mind, and thought you may wish to see it before we do so, seeing as it was your contribution that brought us to this point"
"Tell me what your theory is exactly" The Inquisitor asked, and I saw his mouth pursing a little. I'd wondered at the time if that was normal.
"Well sir, as you know the theory is that Orks generate a gestalt field of energy the more of them there are. Well, we believe that this gestalt consciousness not only affects their social behaviour but we believe it makes their weaponry work as well! Imagine it! A latently psychic ability that allows the orkinoid to circumvent inherent design flaws!" the Magos started ranting by this point, and even the Inquisitor could not stop him.
Instead my lord turned to me, and I instantly felt two foot tall as he addressed me for the first time since we'd left the shuttle.
"What do you think?" he asked of me. Well as you can imagine, I didn't really get much of the intrigues of the Inquisitor's job, I was still fairly new to it at the time. But I sure as hell knew guns.
"Has he tried the crank?" I asked. The cog-boy immediately stopped his rant, and stared at me through glowing bionics.
"What did he just say?" he squawked. My Inquisitor said nothing, and I realised I was supposed to defend my own word.
"The uh... the crank. Did you try holding down the trigger and turning the crank?" I offered, expecting some sort of rebuke from either man for being so foolish. Instead, the Magos simply aimed back at the wall again, and following my instructions a single slug was ejected violently and loudly from the gun, and embedded itself in the far wall.
Next thing I knew, my Inquisitor had dragged me out of the room as fast as he could, and all the while behind us the sound of metal smashing and a vox-screech that made a grox-roar sound welcoming echoed. As we headed briskly for the shuttle, servitors with subduing weapons marched past us and my Inquisitor started to laugh.
"My lord?" I asked, out of turn certainly but I was utterly confused.
"Oh, forgive me my little indulgence there" the Inquisitor snorted, "I've known Makeniel for almost seventy years now. After the first time I set him that task and it happened, I've just found it so damn funny I have him mind-wiped and restarted on the project every time. That was the tenth time, and it still hasn't gotten any less funny"
I spent the trip back trying not to soil myself in terror.
How did you do that
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks