Holy shit.Originally Posted by rossmum
When did you come back, and why didn't you tell anyone!?!?!?
Holy shit.
When did you come back, and why didn't you tell anyone!?!?!?
My internet was busy indulging its craving for phallic meat
Oh SnafJeanLuc 761 (1:08:26 PM): haha
"Snafubar" (1:08:40 PM): did the word boobies not make you laugh?
JeanLuc 761 (1:08:46 PM): I was laughing the whole way
"Snafubar" (1:08:59 PM): lol
"Snafubar" (1:09:06 PM): cauze uh, i can keep going
"Snafubar" (1:09:08 PM): and going
"Snafubar" (1:09:08 PM): and going
JeanLuc 761 (1:09:09 PM): :|
JeanLuc 761 (1:09:12 PM): Don't push it
"Snafubar" (1:09:21 PM): i'm like the perverted energizer bunny
"Snafubar" (1:09:24 PM): there's no end
JeanLuc 761 (1:09:30 PM): ...
"Snafubar" (1:09:30 PM): ever
JeanLuc 761 (1:09:31 PM): Quotes thread
JeanLuc 761 (1:09:32 PM): brb
From the Penny Arcade forums
A guy is getting married, and he's auditioning musicians. After a long day of shitty lounge singers and amateurish string quartets a pianist comes to audition, and without saying a word sits down and plays this beautiful sonata.
The groom is impressed. He asks the pianist what's the name of that piece?
"We did it up the butt in the back of an Arby's."
mildly offended, but still impressed by the musician's virtuosity, the groom says "uhh... well, play me something else"
This time the pianist really outdoes himself. He builds a brilliant romantic crescendo in minor key. The groom is moved, and inquires the name of the second piece
"She said she wanted commitment, so I came in her face"
the groom, disgusted, but unable to end the audition, asks for one more piece.
The piano player really gives it his all this time. Movement, Dynamics, Emotion, he's got it all. Tears are streaming down the groom's face. He cannot speak.
The pianist stands up and says "That' one's called 'She tied me to the bed and then shit on my chest'. Do I have the job?"
The groom composes himself, and hesitantly says "Yeah, you're hired, but if you play at my wedding you cannot talk to anyone the entire night."
The pianist agrees. The wedding day arrives. The ceremony goes beautifully, and many fine guests compliment the groom's choice of this fine young musician.
Later, on his 15-minute break, the pianist approaches the groom.
"Listen man, I've been playing all night, everyone loves it. Especially that hot blonde bridesmaid. She's beautiful. You've gotta let me talk to her.
The groom is aghast. "Absolutely not. You can't talk to anyone."
"Alright then, but then you've gotta let me go in the bathroom and jerk off. I can't take it anymore."
The groom, disgusted, responds, "fine, go do whatever you have to, just don't talk to anyone."
So the pianist goes to jerk one out. His break is almost up by now, though, so he's a little sloppy in the cleanup. Manages to button the pants, but forgets to put his dick back and zip up.
On the way out the bathroom, the beautiful bridesmaid spots him and asks "Excuse me sir, do you know your dick's hanging out and there's cum dripping on your shoe?"
and he says....
Wow.
srsly
*Facepalm*
very very naive of you.
i've been down this road with the exact same road and it fucking broke me to bury a kid a year younger then me.
for no reason.
Theres no logic, it doesnt make sense especially if it catches you off guard.
hearing his mom screaming still haunts me to this day.
Be careful what you say because it has the potential to haunt you for many years to come.
Rentafence5: SO
Rentafence5: I HEAR YOU'RE A WATER CHESTNUT
plasbianx1337: SO LIKE
plasbianx1337: I shaved my dick earlier
plasbianx1337: failed miserably doing it
plasbianx1337: i got cut marks all over it
plasbianx1337: and it hurts like fucking hell
Rentafence5: are
Rentafence5: really
Rentafence5: go on
plasbianx1337: seriously
plasbianx1337: im not bullshitting right now
plasbianx1337: i was using an electric razor
Rentafence5: uh huh
plasbianx1337: and i also cut my scrodum
plasbianx1337: it bled
Rentafence5: scrotum*
Rentafence5: So you butchered some meat basically
plasbianx1337: close enough
plasbianx1337: and yes, i guess you could say that
plasbianx1337: I am plasbianx. and i butchered my meat.
now you have warrior scars where she can see it.
Chicks dig scars man
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